I think I’m gonna be perceived as that aimless drop kick forever and ever, because the problem is
I’ve grown and accomplished so many things, inside my body and mind, constantly figuring out where i’m going, what i am doing, finding my true happiness, yet they produce no evidence to the ‘outside’ as far as something like a ‘body of work’ goes, such as a career, writing, general projects.
i have been trying for as long as, forever, to physically express my thought and ideas INTO SOMETHING
but i just CAN’T
even small things like drawing - i always draw and its all fun and meaningful for me but i very rarely produce a final piece that has a lot of time and apparent talent put into it, so there’s nothing to SHOW for it? (the other day my dad gave me a random novel called ‘odd one out’ about a chick that’s the only non creative person in the family…….)
To my parents (/people) I’m just seen as an average achieving, mediocre, lost teenager like all the others, who ‘does nothing’ (as far as “having a JOB” etc goes).
You know when people ask what you’ve been doing and people say ‘working, blah blah blah’ I HAVE ALWAYS HATED when people ask me because all i do is hang out with my friends a lot? and very enjoyably hang out with myself for the rest of the time. Which is awesome and that’s what I WANT to do at this very stage in my life?
But then they say “ha ha just being a bum still.. have you got a job yet? what the hell do you do. get your licence!!” ………..bort
I try to explain this so many times but never can with being satisfied that anyone will understand and ‘get’ how much of a deal it makes itself!
I aim not to dwell on these thoughts because of course it doesn’t matter what I APPEAR to be to others
if it did maybe I’d start doing absolute crap that doesn’t benefit myself like people around me seem to. Maybe i’d look for a job every second of the day and up date everyone on my progress because god forbid what else is there to do on this vast limitless earth we’re on?
I have a friend who just hangs out with someone that they legitimately don’t even like just because they don’t want to seem mean…. what a waste of precious energy.
SO as far as the whole growing up real world bull shit goes - i’m in this whirlpool that unfortunately has found a place going round in the back of my mind. But other than that yew fucking hooo I can’t wait for everything in the whole world that my life is right now and is- going to be, I’m 18.. I’ve got time to grow up later..
but really I aim on procrastinating that away til the day I’m dying (don’t tell mum)
"WE ARE INFINITE SPIRITUAL BEINGS HAVING A TEMPORARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE" so chill the fuck out and act like it and go watch the stars, i’ll see ya there